he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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