let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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