call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
