I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
