why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
