Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
