There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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