Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
this will be a night to untag.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
