Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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