Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
