So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
