so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
