Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
