I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
