38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
