If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
this boner is exhausting
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
