ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Swine flu. Run for my life!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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