i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
