Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
