I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
