Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
