Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
