Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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