OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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