My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
