He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
