My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
