and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
