I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
