My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
