I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
