I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
