i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
