so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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