I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
