In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
