I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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