He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
