You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
