It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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