Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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