he wants to bone in the snuggie
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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