Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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