Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
