bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
