my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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