You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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