she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
