Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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