She's JV to your varsity
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
