If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
