At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
