Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
